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Singing with Confidence – Key 2: A powerful confidence boosting strategy that’s rarely taught.
In Part 1 of my Sydney Singing Lessons article, Singing with Confidence, we explored how Being connected and in our body, rather than being a “disembodied mind” can instantly increase our confidence.
For many people who have attended my singing lessons the reason why they find it challenging to be present and “in their bodies” while they’re singing is because they are busy judging and comparing themselves while they’re singing.
As an NLP Master Practitioner I help my students with this habit of judging by exploring what is called, our “ Comparison frame”. The Comparison Frame indicates how we measure and judge ourselves. It can give us a realistic sense of self and realistic beliefs about what we can do.
Most of us are completely unaware that we have a choice who and how we compare our actions to those around us. We just think: “that’s how I am”.
At Sydney Singing Lessons I use the following questions help to dissolve the harsh and unhelpful ways we compare ourselves and lead us to a much more realistic and confident way of seeing ourselves. For this exercise we’ll focus on a thought you might have in your singing lesson or when preforming. It works equally well for any area of your life.
When you are singing a song and you feel that little gremlin whispering in your ear that this isn’t good enough, how do you know it’s not good enough?
- Think about the original recording artist singing this song?
- Imagine how you think you should be able to sing it?
- Remember a time when you were really struggling with it?
- Recall a friend you admire singing it at Karaoke the weekend before?
Your answer may tell you how you compare yourself.
These are the main choices we have:
Comparing ourselves to others:
1. Do you compare yourself to somebody else’s ideal level of singing excellence?
This means that you compare how you sound to how they sound when everything is working brilliantly for them. For example you could be singing in your bedroom or singing lesson and comparing yourself to your favourite artist on a CD with great sound mix and mastering, top band, where the artist did several takes to get that sound. In other words, those rare (or manufactured moments) when everything comes together.
2. Do you compare yourself to somebody else’s realistic level of excellence?
Even great singers are usually singing quite well and have some days when they’re singing fabulously. They’ve just mastered how to work with this and pull off the song anyway. But is this what you compare yourself to? Or is it their ideal?
3. Do you compare yourself to somebody else’s low level of excellence?
Perhaps you’ve heard an artist you love and admire at a live gig, where the audience and sound didn’t really support them and they were singing a little flat, or not loudly enough or the gig wasn’t that exciting. Is this what you compare your performance to?
Comparing ourselves with ourselves:
4. Do you compare yourself to YOUR ideal level of excellence?
That rarely achieved moment when everything is working brilliantly.
5. Do you compare yourself to YOUR realistic level of excellence?
This means what is reasonable to expect when you’ve just worked a stressful week, or just finished a whole lot of assignments, or just getting over the flu.
Maybe you haven’t had time to warm up your voice or practice regularly. How can you expect to sound your best? Are you still becoming familiar with the song? There are so many reasons why we may not be at our best.
6. Do you compare yourself to YOUR lowest level of excellence?
How would this change your perception of what you can achieve? For example if you compare yourself with how you sang in your first singing lesson or before you mastered that tricky part in your range.
How you answer these questions can change your perception of how you’re singing today.
Next time you hear yourself (or someone else for that matter) judging you, ask: “Who are you comparing me to?” It can help you to be kinder to yourself and give you a much more realistic sense of self and what you can master on journey you’re taking in your singing lessons.
Give yourself a powerful confidence boost today and check out your Comparison Frame.
Join me and the Sydney Singing Lessons Team for our fun “Confidence Booster Master class” and come away walking taller, singing more freely and with greater confidence.
Almost every person who has come to me for singing lessons has started by saying that what they’d like is more confidence when they sing.
Whether they’re performing internationally or beginners who are curious how they can enjoy singing more whether in the bathroom, in a choir or a rowdy Saturday night at Karaoke. It seems to have less to do with how much they know about their voice and more to do with how they perceive themselves and measure themselves against what they perceive is “good singing”.
As an NLP Master Practitioner, I’ve spent years studying what makes us feel more confident and what prevents us feeling confident right when we need it most. (For example when we open our mouths to sing in front of people.)
What builds our confidence is a rich and complex subject, with endless research and theories about what works. There is an elegant and simple technique that I’ve developed to distill many of these strategies into a single quick process you can use anytime just before you’re going into a stressful situation, for example when you’re about to sing and you want to shine with confidence.
This technique uses 3 important areas of awareness. These are the same strategies used by Olympic athletes. By strengthening each of these strategies during our singing lessons we “wire them in” so that we can confidently rely on them when we’re nervous or about to perform. This builds our sense of trust in our voice, and ourselves and our singing confidence soars.
So let’s explore the first strategy:
Being connected and in our body, rather than being a “disembodied mind”.
Do you know the feeling where you’re singing a song and you feel as if you’re actually several kilometers away watching yourself from a disembodied state?
From this place we’re disconnected from our “musical mind” of creative, spontaneous expression and more in our “inner demons mind” of judgment, criticism and comparison. A sure fire way to let our demons rule and have a party where they’re eating away at our singing confidence one morsel at a time!
The way to beat these confidence-destroying demons is by using the breath to bring us back into our bodies – to bring us home to ourselves.
The more anxious and doubtful we are in a situation, the more shallow and chesty our breath becomes and the more anxious we feel. So firstly we need to be able to regularly use the “breath of champions”.
This is the breath taught in yoga, martial arts, singing lessons, acting, elite sports, mindfulness and meditation. It allows us to release all the tension and breath into the lower quadrants of our lungs and let the breath flow out evenly and easily. Put your hands on your bottom floating ribs and as you breathe in feel them expand and your belly to out. The ribs slowly soften as you reach the end of the phrase and belly flattens towards the spine.
Using this breathing technique helps to powerfully center ourselves. It helps us think clearly; remember all the words to the song; gives us quick reaction times to what’s around us; respond to the audience and band; and most importantly helps us manage our internal demons and the negative mind games we play with ourselves while singing.
This skill is one of the most powerful gifts we can give ourselves. It brings us back home to our true selves and it builds our Self Confidence, when we’re singing, and in all the other important parts of our lives as we go through our day.
Join me and the Sydney Singing Lessons team for our fun “Confidence Booster Master class” and come away walking taller, singing more freely with greater confidence in your own unique way of singing and expressing yourself.
Singing has been an intimate part of me all my life. Sometimes as my best friend, sometimes a coach challenging me to take a risk and jump into the unknown. It has given me two beautiful gifts – both the joy of singing and the joy of guiding others through our singing lessons to find their unique expression and to sing freely and confidently.
Singing offers all of us her magic. It intensifies and amplifies the groove, joy, sadness, power, whatever is we have in that particular moment.
Singing is like coming home. It can bring us back to ourselves so we reconnect and feel clearer about what matters, when the world’s pulling us in many different directions. If I feel sad or anxious, singing, and listening to other people sing, feels like a warm hug from a close friend letting me know everything will be alright.
As I breathe in to sing I feel this quiet spacious connection that allows me to bring everything into focus. Then I feel the exhilaration of throwing my doubts to the wind and being an open channel for the music to surge through me. There’s such delight when I let go and the music takes me where it wants, soft and tender one minute then surging with power the next.
I love the way I heard a Yoga master describe this feeling: “The sound starts in the navel, our “Power Chakra”, where it connects with our raw power. Then the sound flows up through our heart, where it’s coloured by the love, passion and feelings we are experiencing at that moment. Next travelling up through our “Throat Chakra”, the sound reflects how much we trust ourselves to let our truth, power and emotions flow into the world.
Finally this sound, reaches our mouth where it’s shaped into words and flows out from us and reaches those who are listening.”
Many times singing’s pushed me to jump off the proverbial cliff because something inside me ached to get up and sing, perform, connect, explore music and immerse myself in the sound of a beautiful song. To feel the beauty of the music and words reach the people listening and sense how they’re being moved as they ride the song in their own way.
I started performing when I was 5. I used to sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” when my parents had guests. Where I sing has changed to include large concert halls, intimate jazz clubs and thousands of people at festivals and concerts. However the incredible joy of sharing the beauty in a song with those listening never changes.
There’s a beautiful quote I always keep in mind when I’m singing: “Think not how beautiful the singer, but now beautiful the song.” It’s when I forget about myself, let go of the need to “sound good”, that I become one with the song and I’m flying free.
As the proverb says:
“If you can walk you can dance, If you can speak, you can sing”
What does singing mean to you? I’d love to know.
Give the team at Sydney Singing Lessons a call and we can share the fun of finding this joy of singing together!
Question: What do superstar singers Lady Gaga, Elvis Presley, Rod Stewart and Barbra Streisand have in common?
Answer: These singers were all painfully shy and too afraid to sing in public.
Amazed? The team at Sydney Singing Lessons were amazed too.
You may be thinking, “how could this be?” Elvis Presley, the King of rock and roll? A shy singer? Barbra Streisand the queen of Broadway and movies? A shy singer and actor? Rod Stewart with one of the world’s most recognisable voices? A shy singer? Lady Gaga who is perhaps one of THE most daring music trailblazers on record – too shy to sing?
How could it be that these megastar singers who rose to the very top of the success ladder in entertainment be too shy to sing?
The Sydney Singing Lessons team is always uncovering amazing answers to help singers of all levels move forward in their singing lessons.
And we uncovered some truly astounding stories especially for shy singers.
Maybe you are a shy singer yourself. If you are, then like us at Sydney Singing Lessons you’ll love these inspiring true stories.
According to Bob Leone, who became Lady Gaga’s first manager, he met the young singer at an open mic night and when she was aged 13 or 14. At that stage she was going by her given name Stefanie Germanotta. Although it may be hard to believe apparently the outlandish singer was shy and often felt like an outsider. She attended two open mics with her mother before she finally had the nerve to get up and perform. And the rest… is history.
And what about superstar singers like Elvis Presley – crowned King of Rock and Roll and acknowledged as one of the greatest singers ever in popular music.
Elvis was a shy youngster who was raised in a poor neighbourhood and teased at school because he played ‘hillbilly’ music. And although Elvis had a passion for music he was told by some of his teachers that he would never make it as a singer. To make matters worse the only subject at school Elvis failed at was music. At age 12 Elvis was given two scheduled spots to perform live at the local radio show, yet and on the first one he was too overcome with stage fright to go on air. He did make the next show and the rest… is history.
Eight times Grammy Award winner and two times Oscar Award winning singer, actor and director Barbra Streisand is regarded as one of the most commercially and critically successful entertainers in modern entertainment history. Streisand’s career boasts the widest span (48 years) between first and latest top-ten albums of any female recording artist and is one of the rare artists to achieve number-one albums in five consecutive decades. Yet with all these achievements the megastar openly confesses that she is very shy. “I could never stand up and sing in a small living room. I can’t sing if I can see people’s faces, I don’t know where to look, or how to stand, or hold my hands, and I go all silly!” However Streisand says she is comfortable singing in a concert in front of 20,000 people. “The bigger and darker the better so I can’t see any faces.”
And singers like Rod Stewart with his career in its fifth decade has sold over 100 million records worldwide.
Stewart struggled with nervousness and shyness – he even sang behind a curtain at a New York concert with Jeff Beck. Yet Stewart overcame his shyness using his distinctive raspy voice to become one of the best selling artists of all time.
The big take-home message from these shy megastar singers is this: They did not let their shyness stop them from singing. OK, it is true that their shyness stopped them once or twice, or even a few times here and there.
But the wonderful truth about shyness is that shy singers don’t have to stop singing. Shyness may make it uncomfortable at times while your knees are shaking, but it need not need to stop you from ever singing.
Most of us experience shyness at some stage of our life.
Even Sydney Singing Lessons team have battled with shyness and learned the secrets for working through shyness. And having done just that we can give you some great tools and strategies in your singing lessons for going ahead and singing past your shyness.
Want to shake your shy singing too? Call us now.
You may also be interested in attending a workshop on shyness.
Shake Your Shyness ~ Shy Singers Workshop.
Six sure-fire strategies for shaking your shyness for good and sing like no one’s watching. Enjoy an inspiring one-day workshop hosted by pro-singer and vocal coach Zelda Sheldon with lots of fun, fear-busting activities designed to set you free forever.
To receive information about an upcoming ‘Shake Your Shyness’ workshop from the team at Sydney Singing Lessons, feel free to pre-register your interest with your name and email address and we’ll add you to the list.
Singing has always been a big part of my life. I’ve been singing professionally since I was 22.
I’ve performed as a soloist, in duos, in bands and in choirs large and small. I have performed in so many different kind of events and venues – indoor and outdoor, daytime and night time, from massive stadiums in front of thirty thousand to intimate hospital rooms, from recording studios to street busking, churches, weddings, funerals, libraries, pre-schools, jails and boardrooms.
Of all the places I’ve performed, I’d have to say the most heart-thumping performances are still singing in boardrooms presenting my compositions to a meeting of poker-faced executives.
As a singer I’ve sung many kinds of songs for many kinds of different occasions both for pleasure and for profit.
When I am asked the question ”What does singing mean to me?” I can say without any hesitation SINGING MEANS A WHOLE LOT TO ME!
Singing is healthy. It makes me feel whole and alive and healthy. And when I’m singing with others or at church it’s nourishing hearing voices come together as a group.
Singing brings me happiness. When I sing I feel happy, joyous and in the flow.
Singing let’s me express my creativity. I love singing for the pure enjoyment of making music with my voice. My house is surrounded by lots of trees, which not only makes a wonderful view but also attracts so many birds. All day long I can hear birds singing. At the top of my list of favourite bird singers are Butcher Birds, Magpies and Rainbow Lorikeets. I love to sing along with the bird calls and try to imitate them as closely as I can just for fun.
Singing along to songs I know is heaps of fun too. I can hear a song playing on the radio, or performed live or karaoke if I know the song I find it virtually impossible to resist singing along.
Karaoke is one of my loves too. Live or online, suits me fine. I belong to an online Karaoke community called Sing Snap, which lets me record and play back my karaoke performance with the backing so I can hear how I sounded. If I choose I can post my karaoke performance on the website where other members can hear me and make comments if they want. That’s a lot of fun and it’s also a wonderful way of connecting with other singers and karaoke fans around the world.
Songwriting is another one of my creative expressions. I use singing to write songs a’cappella without any instruments. In my head I am continually hearing my own new songs and constantly downloading songs that come to me from the universe, the cosmos or wherever. And I sing these into my recording device to capture these ‘song seeds’ so I can write a song when I get some time in my busy day. I have thousands of little song seeds waiting for the right moment when they can be planted and cultivated in the soil of effort and time.
It makes me feel brave. I was a shy singer and I struggled for many years to get over myself to own up to the fact that I wanted to be a singer and give myself permission to sing in front of others and even to take singing lessons. I no longer have any issues with shyness or nervousness and now I can sing anytime and anywhere – even in board rooms with those poker-faced executives.
Singing lets me do the work I love to do. As a professional singer I love performing wonderfully written songs that people love – and especially love it when people sing along with me at my gigs. That’s the best fun.
As a songwriter I enjoy using my voice to write songs, not just for me to sing, but also for other awesome singers to sing. And hearing how other singers express their creativity in my songs is a great honour.
And as a singing coach here at Sydney Singing Lessons, I love using the world’s best singing tools and powerful stories to help singers of all levels and ages achieve breakthroughs with their singing. And it’s shy singers especially where my story has the most impact.
So if you’re thinking about learning to sing and wondering if singing lessons can really help, the SSL team invite you to take the next step.
Love it or hate it (personally I’ve been glued to it) “The Voice” highlights some fundamental elements of singing and what it means to be a performing artist.
Here are 3 singing lessons we can learn and how the Pros approach these singing issues:
It’s easy to think when we sing louder we’ll come across as more powerful and exciting. However there’s a point where we tip into driving our voice and it sounds constricted and contrived. When this happens we no longer sing freely and spontaneously, with fire and passion. It can sound to those listening, and feel to us, like what we’re singing about we don’t really believe.
What the Pros do:
- Singing with less physical effort – instead concentrate on building the intensity of feelings in the song.
- Add more variety into the lyrics and rhythm. Build the “dramatic arc” of song’s storyline, so the listeners go on the journey with you.
- Take more emotional risks rather than using vocal effects and singing loudly.
It’s so fascinating to see those brave artists taking risks and exploring different ways of singing on live TV. Sometimes it works and sometimes not so much. What’s the difference?
Have you noticed some artists just don’t connect with you even though vocally they sing the song impeccably, whereas others you forgive pitchy notes and mistakes, or don’t even notice these, because you “just love them”?
Being able to reach all the notes, sing in pitch and have enough breath to get through each phase is just the first step. Next it’s about bending the melody and rhythm into whatever emotional shape the song spontaneously needs.
What makes the difference (and keeps singers in the competition) is their willingness to “let go of looking good”. Only then can they let those exciting spontaneous moments flow through them.
As the world-famous cellist Pablo Casals said shortly before his death, when an interviewer asked him how his style had changed as he got older: “I’ve had to let go of perfection in order to have expression.”
Sometimes we hold on so tightly to the idea of “singing well” that the song seems bland and unexciting.
What the Pros do:
- Once you’ve mastered the melody and lyrics, experiment with getting inside what the song really means.
- Try singing as if you’re talking the lyrics to someone and it’s really important they understand how you feel.
- Take a risk. Be so intent on getting the meaning across that you let the song take you in a new direction, you haven’t tried before.
The most exciting artists are willing to be themselves, quirks and all.
There will always be some people who like us and some who scratch their heads and don’t get us at all.
The more we can accept that only some people will get us and some wont, the more we can accept ourselves for who we are. We learn to trust that who we naturally are is “enough”. Singing from our unique self ignites a magic when we sing.
What the Pros do:
- Recognise your unique style and vocal strengths.
- Make each song your own rather than copying the original artist’s interpretation.
- Sing from the raw unmasked part of yourself (rather than putting on vocal effects to sound as if you’re feeling the song).