Singing with Confidence – Key 2: A powerful confidence boosting strategy that’s rarely taught.
In Part 1 of my Sydney Singing Lessons article, Singing with Confidence, we explored how Being connected and in our body, rather than being a “disembodied mind” can instantly increase our confidence.
For many people who have attended my singing lessons the reason why they find it challenging to be present and “in their bodies” while they’re singing is because they are busy judging and comparing themselves while they’re singing.
As an NLP Master Practitioner I help my students with this habit of judging by exploring what is called, our “ Comparison frame”. The Comparison Frame indicates how we measure and judge ourselves. It can give us a realistic sense of self and realistic beliefs about what we can do.
Most of us are completely unaware that we have a choice who and how we compare our actions to those around us. We just think: “that’s how I am”.
At Sydney Singing Lessons I use the following questions help to dissolve the harsh and unhelpful ways we compare ourselves and lead us to a much more realistic and confident way of seeing ourselves. For this exercise we’ll focus on a thought you might have in your singing lesson or when preforming. It works equally well for any area of your life.
When you are singing a song and you feel that little gremlin whispering in your ear that this isn’t good enough, how do you know it’s not good enough?
- Think about the original recording artist singing this song?
- Imagine how you think you should be able to sing it?
- Remember a time when you were really struggling with it?
- Recall a friend you admire singing it at Karaoke the weekend before?
Your answer may tell you how you compare yourself.
These are the main choices we have:
Comparing ourselves to others:
1. Do you compare yourself to somebody else’s ideal level of singing excellence?
This means that you compare how you sound to how they sound when everything is working brilliantly for them. For example you could be singing in your bedroom or singing lesson and comparing yourself to your favourite artist on a CD with great sound mix and mastering, top band, where the artist did several takes to get that sound. In other words, those rare (or manufactured moments) when everything comes together.
2. Do you compare yourself to somebody else’s realistic level of excellence?
Even great singers are usually singing quite well and have some days when they’re singing fabulously. They’ve just mastered how to work with this and pull off the song anyway. But is this what you compare yourself to? Or is it their ideal?
3. Do you compare yourself to somebody else’s low level of excellence?
Perhaps you’ve heard an artist you love and admire at a live gig, where the audience and sound didn’t really support them and they were singing a little flat, or not loudly enough or the gig wasn’t that exciting. Is this what you compare your performance to?
Comparing ourselves with ourselves:
4. Do you compare yourself to YOUR ideal level of excellence?
That rarely achieved moment when everything is working brilliantly.
5. Do you compare yourself to YOUR realistic level of excellence?
This means what is reasonable to expect when you’ve just worked a stressful week, or just finished a whole lot of assignments, or just getting over the flu.
Maybe you haven’t had time to warm up your voice or practice regularly. How can you expect to sound your best? Are you still becoming familiar with the song? There are so many reasons why we may not be at our best.
6. Do you compare yourself to YOUR lowest level of excellence?
How would this change your perception of what you can achieve? For example if you compare yourself with how you sang in your first singing lesson or before you mastered that tricky part in your range.
How you answer these questions can change your perception of how you’re singing today.
Next time you hear yourself (or someone else for that matter) judging you, ask: “Who are you comparing me to?” It can help you to be kinder to yourself and give you a much more realistic sense of self and what you can master on journey you’re taking in your singing lessons.
Give yourself a powerful confidence boost today and check out your Comparison Frame.
Join me and the Sydney Singing Lessons Team for our fun “Confidence Booster Master class” and come away walking taller, singing more freely and with greater confidence.